Self-Improvement

Absolutely No One Is Entitled

You are not entitled to wealth.

You are not entitled to respect.

You are not entitled to sex.

You are not entitled to affection.

You are not entitled to relationships.

You are not entitled to possessions.

You are not entitled to emotional support.

You are not entitled to anything.

 

And neither is anyone else.

The concept of entitlement has always been an interest of mine. It is senseless, yet a core of today’s society. It can be motivation for people to achieve what they want, although in a roundabout way. People who are entitled think society or others owe them, and carry that expectation over to other areas of their lives. Sometimes it can be that a person is in misfortune, and seeks to recover through thinking society owes them happiness. The concept of entitlement can be sad or maddening. For those who do get what they want through being entitled, it can be temporarily blissful — until someone refuses them.

What do others think?

I commonly see entitlement among people below the age of twenty-five. I predict this is because at the age of 25, nothing really gets handed to you anymore and there are very real consequences for your actions. You learn it the hard way. It’s an easy mindset to not blame yourself for not putting in the work.

Here’s a personal example of mine.I thought I was entitled to act however I wanted without consequences. I was self-destructive when I was a teen. For most of my teenage years people let me get away with it, until my behavior got too extreme for anyone to really watch happen. So they put me into a residential inpatient treatment center for three months. And I was all fucking confused about why I was there. Then I realized if I couldn’t manage to keep myself safe, then naturally others would put me somewhere to protect me from myself until I could be trusted to be mentally healthy. Common sense. Cause and effect. Snapped me out of my entitled attitude and I worked towards recovery.

Then there’s nonpersonal scenarios I see all the time.

Take students for example. They get a bad grade on the test, then bully the teacher into saying they deserve a better grade. However, the student never studied for the test. She simply expected the teacher to give her a good grade. The teacher doesn’t owe her that. The student feels down because she feels victimized, but never realizes getting good grades to get into her dream college is within her own control.

Women often think they are entitled to affection from a partner regardless of her own behavior. A woman could be manipulative, demanding, and doesn’t do anything in return for her partner. Yet she expects her partner to always provide cuddles and kisses despite the the conflict. As I always say “If a woman acts like a queen, then she should treat her man like a king.” If a woman wants a perfect #goals relationship, but somehow things never work out with partners, then she should work on herself because it’s easier than changing others to meet her standards.

The longer you think people owe you, the shorter your happiness will last. Being entitled will essentially make you a loser. Why? Because you never put it your own hard work and never get true results or completely meet your goals.

The bright side is that now you are fully capable of developing your own skills and talents. You are very moldable. You can really only go up, and there are lots of responsibilities. Failure might happen. No, probably will happen. But it’s a learning experience that can only make you greater. You have vast, unrealized potential right now.

Each person has the capacity to change the core of who they are around. Even the most entitled person can become the hardest worker. Or the spoiled the most giving. Each person can change for the better.

So welcome to real life.

Entitlement is a toxic mindset that people need to let go of if they want to be happy.

Self-Improvement

No Excuses for Your Behavior

One of the most wonderful things about life is that you have full control over your behavior. You get to make your own decisions the majority of the time, unless you are sucking up to social niceties. There’s not a problem with that. The issue is when people make poor decisions, complain, and then hand out excuses. They refuse to take responsibility for themselves.

More wonderful news is that behavior can be changed. If you are unhappy or ashamed of how you’re living, you have the option to change your life at this very moment. Accepting the power of your own responsibility is a life-changing decision. You embrace humbleness, empowerment, and become the boss of your life.

People who are successful do not whine about how unfair life is. They had their own struggles, but overcame them by changing what they could; themselves. Groveling at the bottom of society for something good to come your way just gives power to others. Why would you rely on society to cater to you? Overall, your failures and laziness means nothing to the world. Unless you are the President or a celebrity, nobody cares enough to give you exactly what you want. This is exactly why you must accept your behavior is within your control.

A common example now:

Are you struggling with your weight? Complaining to others about how fat you are doesn’t solve anything. If you bother to complain, then you might as well try to change your weight in order to bring your honor back. Eat less and move more. After you lose the weight, people will recognize you for making a personal change, which will inspire others. However, if you chose to ignore about how your eating habits and sedentary lifestyle contributed to being overweight, blaming it on genetics, then nothing will ever change. Along with other possible examples, would you really surrender yourself to a behavior that is unhealthy?

There are behaviors of mine I had to accept. I used to be rather lazy. It was a mixture between believing I had nothing to do and because the people I surrounded myself with lacked ambition. Once I become aware that I was letting time slip by I made three changes. I bought a daily planner to keep a busy schedule, came up with a variety of goals, and ghosted my friends. I didn’t want to become the deadly sin of “sloth.” It stung to realize how much time I wasted. I could have been building a youthful success. (I ended up starting at 19 years old.) Instead, I was ignorant in how I spent my time doing nothing. Once I started putting in effort into my life, things changed for the better.

I don’t let excuses become an actual belief.
What are your excuses? What negativity are you accepting? You deserve better, so go make a change.

Self-Improvement

Why Playing the Victim is the Worst Thing You Can Do

What do you consider “playing the victim?” I think of it as dwelling on the past and past failures, letting it affect your present, yet not doing anything to change it. Plus, complaining about it near daily People play the victim for a variety of things, ranging from poor grades to an incident that happened seven years ago. It’s normal to be upset about an unfortunate event, or to be traumatized, but eventually you will have to work through it. Dwelling on it will prevent you from progressing in life.

Identifying as a victim destroys all your potential, power, and control. If anything, call yourself a survivor.

I played the victim too when I was younger. I had a sorry attitude about my addictions and the fact I was stuck in an abusive relationship. I would go to to therapy, talk about it, yet never put my therapist’s advice into practice. I saw everything as beyond my control. That is completely false. Everything was definitely within my control even if I didn’t acknowledge it. Once I accepted responsibility for not leaving the relationship and engaging in my addictions I was able to recover.

Maybe you observed people who define themselves as the victim. Going on about the (nonexistent) patriarchy that prevents them from walking naked in the streets, or how the world is fatphobic because they have to pay more for an XXXL shirt. Bad grades are the professor’s fault and has nothing to do with how they didn’t study. These people create problems for themselves. It’s hard to say if they are aware of it, but I refuse to interact with these people. Their worldviews are distorted and extremely negative, almost like through choosing to be a victim they get to have less responsibilities because it becomes a cop-out.

Why should anyone play the victim when life is rather amazing? There are so many things to be appreciative and happy about. Do your limbs and brain function properly? Good for you. Do you have access to clean water and a place to sleep? Awesome. Have at least one friend or close relative you confide in? Great. If you are meeting the basics in life, those are major complaints out of the way. Otherwise, everything else is about perception.

You are only a victim if you see yourself as one.

When I began to recover, I had to let go of the victim mentality because it shirked any chance for me to make positive changes. Being a victim says “things just happen and it is beyond my control.” Life can really, really suck, but everyone has unlimited power to change their lives. As I stopped playing the victim I became happier because I rediscovered power over my life, thus feeling less out of control. The feeling is like how before I was drowning, then I realized I could swim.

View yourself as having control over your life, and there will be endless possibilities. Being trapped in a victimized world-view will only leave you miserable. Accept that the fact the life will move on, and make the choice to be pro-active rather than stagnant. Be like the people you admire who rose from immeasurable pain or beat the odds, instead of complaining how you have no options. There are always choices if you look for them, or at the very least you have the choice to allow yourself to take control.
Stop playing the victim and conquer your problems.

Self-Improvement

Law of the Vital Few

 

The Law of the Vital Few states that 80% of events come from 20% of the causes. While percentages may vary and this law may not be accurate, it fuels my work ethic. Understanding this concept changes the way I approach every aspect of my life. All of my efforts must be done concisely to reap the rewards, or lest I suffer the consequences. Here are some situations where it might prove true.

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  • 20% of your weightlifting exercises causes 80% of the results
  • 20% of your food choices cause 80% of the weight gain
  • 20% of your relationships cause 80% of your hardships
  • 20% of your habits affect 80% of your routine
  • 20% of your possessions you use 80% of the time
  • 80% of your problems come from 20% of your life choices

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When I look at the list above and am definitely willing to make a change. I will say that I spend too much time online, but it is still probably less than most folks. I could use more effective exercises in my weightlifting routine and eliminate the ones that don’t challenge me. There are a few more things I could do as well.

The plan for changing your life with this law is tedious, but worth it.

First, write down 20% of your negative daily activities. (Overeating, watching TV, scrolling social media, general laziness). Then write down 20% of positive daily activities that bring you joy.

Now here’s the key part. Eliminate the negative 20% and increase the positive 20%. The plan to do this is up to you. Just work on discipline instead of motivation, and don’t make excuses for yourself.

—————————————————————————————————————————-

Here are some statistics to motivate you.

  • Over ⅔’s of the U.S population is overweight
  • Over 80% of people do not weightlift
  • Over 80% of people do not exercise
  • ⅔’s of Americans do not have retirement savings
  • 50% of Americans have less than $500 saved

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Now do whatever you can to get in the top 20% of society.

Self-Improvement

Born to be a Hustler

I consider myself reborn hustler. “Born to keep up the daily grind.” People have looked down on me for working so damn hard and being such a go-getter when there were alternative options. Although I am not a mindreader, I assumed the other options were:

A: Give up

B: Hire someone to do it for me

C: Wait to see if fate will give it to me later

D: Mysterious option. Only mysterious because there is always an unknown variable

 

Perhaps I had that mindset as a teenager. When I was younger I had a pathetically huge external locus of control. In other terms, I believed I had no influence over my own life or anything on this planet. Things just always seemed to “happen.” That goes hand in hand with the victim mentality. It is why I took too long to recover from addictions and mental illness. Besides that issue with my mental health, the non-go-getter-things-are-randomly-happening attitude impact me in other ways.

It made me lazy. It made me pessimistic. Very despicable traits. That is why when I decided to change my entire life around I decided to be the go-getter. With the attitude that I can do anything I want, my life started to change.

I told myself “Today I am going to be a happy hard-worker.” I drilled that thought into my head until I became that happy hard-worker. Call it a self-affirmation or whatever you want. Psychology has shown if you tell yourself something often enough, you will subconsciously make decisions for it to come true.  Better think positively then.

Making my identity being a happy hard-worker changed my approach. I see problems as challenges to conquer. I put in more effort into time-consuming tasks, while handling smaller ones with finesse. I don’t feel as overwhelmed. I almost kind of whistle while I work. It truly is all about attitude.

Like a hustler, I also need when to take a break. Working myself to death causes me to crash for a few days, doing nothing productive. Then I feel poorly about myself because I was being lazy. The trick is to allow myself to have downtime every evening. Three hours is often enough for me to recharge, and work again tomorrow.
Be a hustler. Have a positive attitude. Everything you put into this life will come back to you eventually, thus you want to put in good energy to reap the rewards. Enjoy the present, and work for the future.

Self-Improvement

How Not to Care (about the small things)

I am a stoic person, so not caring comes easily for me. I accepted that overall I do not mean much to the universe, and found a cozy niche in my life where I am rather ok. My ambitions are what make up the most of my life, and everything else is kind of like a side dish. So besides my many goals, I do not care about much else.

Just to share a few of my main goals, they are to acquire my dream physique through weightlifting, get into Harvard for my masters program, and be generally happy no matter what my circumstances are. Smaller goals are to get my dream tattoos and piercings, be the superior worker at my job, triple my bank account, and so on. Everyday I  meaningfully try to contribute to make my goals be accomplished.

Societal pressure, body insecurity, judgmental peers, and uncooperative people are on the very outskirts of my life. I do not care too much what people think of me or how I look (despite being in recovery for anorexia). I would like to be understood in life, and appreciated, but I do not rely on others to make me feel validated. I learned to create a niche for myself.

It is considered cool to not care about anything. However, there is something to value for people who care too much too often. I allow myself to nurture my love for my boyfriend and close friends, and I also fuel my passions. There is vibrancy in those who care deeply and without any trace of doubt. So keep in mind that not caring about anything isn’t as appealing as it seems.

Yet I will still  write about how not to care about things that shouldn’t really matter.

 

  1. You have full control over yourself, but none over others. Don’t worry yourself sick over others choices, as all you can do is provide guidance or offer suggestions.
  2. You can’t be fake forever, so just be yourself. There is no point in pretending to be someone you’re not when people will find out who you truly are eventually. Also it feel better to be genuine and alone than to have others fall in love with a you that doesn’t exist.
  3. Time doesn’t stop, so don’t dwell on anything for too long. No matter what you are going through, life is continuing whether or not you choose to participate in it. It is ok to work through issues on the past, to try to plan a better future, but the present is what is dealt to you at any point in life.
  4. What are you grateful for? I am the type of person who is constantly marveling at how amazing the world is. Everything captures my interest and I never take it for granted. For most things I feel a deep sense of gratitude. This might come more easily to me than to others because I survived a rough past. But at the very least try to appreciate that fact that no matter what your circumstances could be, you are lucky enough to be alive.
  5. Find your niche. This is incredibly important. Find or establish the boundaries where you thrive. It could be a narrow niche, or a very spacious one. My niche is surrounding myself with motivation to help me achieve my goals. In my niche I have few time-wasters and things or people that lead me away from leading my ideal life. However, my niche is wide because I can be happy in a variety of situations. Create a niche that allows you to thrive, and try to stay there. Once this is accomplished, not much will bother you.

 

Not caring about the mundane things keeps your mind clear and relieves stress. I find it particularly useful to not worry about what is not within my realm of immediate control. I am then free to be mindful and present in life. However, I open myself up to feel deeply about my passions and feel love for others. I appreciate all the opportunities life gives me, and never take it for granted.
In short, not caring is recommended for only what you cannot control or for what does not directly affect you. Society may glamorize having a breezy attitude, but having passion is what gives life meaning.

Self-Improvement

Tips for Being Confident

Confidence is much more of an important trait to have than people realize. Being confident increases the likeliness of people managing new situations, having healthy relationships, while also having less rates of anxiety and low self-esteem. Just think of how life can be if you really had enough confidence in yourself.

I once thought being confident and being ok with myself just wasn’t meant to happen. It was possible for everyone else, but not for me.

 

 

  • Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Think of your goals and your ideal self, then set out be your own ideal vision. When you get to the point where you can vividly imagine your ideal life, you tend to unknowingly make decisions to lead you down that path.
  • You are all you have. You must be your own support system. While friends make promises, and family is blood, relationships should never be taken for granted. You have to be ok for yourself when things go wrong.  The longer you always rely on other people to make you happy, the longer you will be unhappy.
  • Do not prioritize anyone over yourself. No one else is truly your world. People just live in it. Society bullies men and women alike into thinking they have to slave for the other around them. Think of the potential you could unlock by prioritizing your own happiness instead of others.
  • Always set goals, and consistently complete them. Those who fail in life tend to have no ambition, nor the confidence to think they can achieve something great. Once you start completing goals, you will build enough confidence to take on bigger challenges. Eventually, you will be the person you always dreamed of. Don’t settle for mediocrity and have regret suck away your self-esteem.
  • Don’t tolerate any disrespect. This should be a given. If you allow a person to tear you down, you will eventually believe you deserve it. I assume your inner self is stronger, better, than that. A true leader and person of happiness would not tolerate such disrespect. It shows to yourself, and to others, that you don’t have backbone and it is ok for others to treat you the same. Be consistent in standing up for yourself, and people will respect you.

 
These are only a few tips. I have so much more so share eventually.

Self-Improvement

Why to Take Chances

Are you stuck in a dull, everyday routine? Do you feel like you are at a dead-end road lacking of zest and creativity? Do you feel unsatisfied with how your life is going? I used to be the same way. Then I decided to force myself to take chances.

Something in my singular-programmed brain snapped. Previously I held the belief that my niche should be the same, and that any changes would be removing anything toxic. However, with all the empty space I was creating I never brought in anything happy and exciting. I was afraid that anything new I would try would blow up in my face. I ended up missing out on a lot. And I got really, really sick of it. So I decided to change.

I recently landed an amazing opportunity due to taking a chance. I had to ditch my totalitarian routine that dictated how I spent every single minute of my day, go to a new place that I deemed as too scary, and interact with people when normally I go through tremendous effort to avoid the general population. Despite the bit of a mind-fuck it created, it changed my life.

So what was it? Well, there is the thing in our community called a Sunspot Bus. The Sunspot Bus is a bus hooked up on the inside with UV lights that help promote the production of vitamin D in humans, which tends to not happen nearly as often due this community being in Wisconsin. The business also sells tea, healthy snacks, and educates on wellness.

I decided to go on a adventure and eat lunch in that exact Sunspot Bus. I talked an awful lot with the owners since I happened to be the only patron on at the time. I learned that it was hard to do a variety of things for the business, as  it was run only by two sisters who were entrepreneurs. I ended up really relating to how dedicated they were to this fantastic job of promoting health to the often depressed people of the northern hemisphere. Without really thinking, I offered myself to help anyway I could, free of charge. With those words I overthrew everything I was used to. I lost my routine and my time. However, I ended up with the cool task of promoting the business, reviewing their marketing tactics, and may be working on a new blog with them. All of this was perfect for me because I get to make a difference too by helping those lovely women promote health.

None of this would have happened if I didn’t help or even walk on the bus. If I would have been a whiny baby and listened to the dictator of my comfort zone, I’d still be perpetually frustrated with how my life is going. And miraculously, this did not blow up in my life like I assume anything new would do.

This is like a neon sign of how life should be. If I am unhappy with my life, then something has got to change through taking chances. It makes so much sense now.
My life has rather changed by this risk. It gives me momentum to continue making risks. I learned a new way of thinking that did not involve an embarrassing situation or by significantly fucking something up by making a wrong decision. I am on a roll with a new mindset and am going to continue expanding on my life with this.

Self-Improvement

How to Get Back on Track

I, myself, have gotten off-track recently. In January and February was on top of the world in accomplishments and a steady drive of dedication. I was smashing my workouts, blitzing through assignments, hanging out with people, cutting out negativity… leading a productively balanced life. But then I drastically fell off track to where I became a useless lump in the past eight days. Which leads me scratching my head wondering what happened.

Today, March 14th on a freezing morning, I am getting back to where I am used to be. No — I am going to be even better than I was before. There was so much growing shame and irritation with how I was being lazy that I just had to make a change. And then last night I got a taste of settling back into my old routine. I was productive with hobbies, stayed on top of my habits, and focused on minimalism. I was very proud, which made me crave wanting to embark on the quest of self-improvement. So this morning I whipped out my planner, and put in the page of everything I need to change about myself, along with a mini plan of how to do so.

Little things also contributed to getting my motivation back. I deep-cleaned the apartment, engaged in a small “spa session”, and did miscellaneous tasks that needed to get done.This relates to self-efficacy, which is how capable a person views themselves. After my setback and continued failures, my self-efficacy plummeted, Then this morning by doing numerous easy tasks, then made an easy-to-follow guide for future success, I was like “Yeah, I got this.” Also, reading Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson gave me a pick-me-up, along with reading motivational articles.

This is a short guide of how to get back on track.

 

  1. After you wake up, mentally note everything you’re grateful for.
  2. Do yoga, running, or weightlifting. Just loosen your body and get your blood pumping.
  3. Take a mindful shower. Imagine the water washing away your worries and previous mistakes.
  4. Dress well. Dress for success.
  5. Make a list of everything you need to do that day.
  • Plan a social outing
  • Do homework/ plan workday
  • Figure out what errands need to get done
  • Schedule time to work on hobbies

6) Do what is on your list.

7) Throughout the day remind yourself of why you need to get back on track, or tap into motivational resources.

8) Eat healthy meals and drink plenty of water. You have to stop doing those poor eating habits.

9) Go to bed on time.

I find this little routine really helps. I hope it helps everyone else!

Self-Improvement

Asking for Feedback

A person never has a completely objective view of his life, as a human isn’t meant to be bias-free to themselves. We see the world through our own thoughts and feelings, even if they may be blatantly wrong. We may be majorly screwing up our goals or our lives by being unaware of what our limitations are. That’s why it is important to ask for feedback.

People seem to be afraid to ask for feedback because they might have been doing these utterly and horribly wrong. My response is, “so what?” If you truly cared about your training, lifestyle, job, and/or academic performance, you’d like to know where you stand.

This isn’t about learning how to be better than others. It is learning how to be better than the person you were before yesterday. With the biases people have towards themselves, there will always be major obstacles that will help them performing their best. While asking for feedback can be scary, I consider it a must for self-improvement.

Last week I sat down with all my professors and asked them what makes a student go “above and beyond” their standards. While they gave their various pieces of advice, I nodded and pressed for as much detail as possible. I even took notes like the little nerd I am. Then I asked them what they think holds me back as a student. Nearly all my professors said I need to take more time reading and rereading directions because often I miss a step of an assignment, or don’t fully answer the question. When asking what would make me a “ten” in their classes, they smiled and said it was about attitude. Overall, my professors said I was a very good student who wasn’t very careful on assignments. I never realized this.

I noticed I would often get two points docked off an assignment, but would never know why. Well, now I know why. Which is why now I actually read the directions carefully and proofread my homework. Now my grades are higher. My professors seem impressed that I am actually following their advice.

A question I asked my inner circle is what they think is holding me back in life. The answers were mixed, and some were bittersweet to hear. I learned more about my flaws and my biggest weaknesses. I now am working harder on fixing those cracks in my armor.

The point is working past the fear of being vulnerable to criticism. I could have seen the criticism as person attack on my character. They key is making yourself open to the opportunity to improving yourself. I want to be the best human being I could ever possibly be, which means I must take suggestions as they come to me. It’s a risk to make yourself vulnerable, but growth comes from baring yourself open to others. Plus, asking for feedback impresses others because it shows you are committed to doing better. It may also give you new opportunities when you apply the feedback.

Since I have been asking for feedback and making visible progress, my personal growth is speeding up rather impressively. I feel empowered to be able to take criticism, then use my critical thinking skills to make changes.
I ask others with an open mind. Listening. Truly listening to them and asking questions. Now I have another inkling of an idea of how my ideal self is. And from the feedback I know how to work towards it.